Next to highway patrol, a fast driver's greatest threat is probably the road rager (self-importántus assholédias).  This breed of driver worships the left lane, not for its pace, but for its prestige.  He (or she - believe me - or she) sees the highway as a grand equalizer of the social classes and an opportunity to establish a higher rank for himself (or herself) in the natural order.  As in the primal world, such confrontations can be bloody.  Fortunately, for the alert driver, spotting these birds of prey in the wild isn't too difficult - watch for these tell-tale indicators:

• Driver occupies the left lane in the absence of other traffic (I call them "buoys")
  
• Accelerates in response to faster traffic, rather than safely vacating the left lane
• Checks mirrors too frequently.  This often leads to...
  
• Two words:  "Uncomfortable eye-contact"  (Okay, three words)
  
• Upon entering the highway, crosses abruptly to the left lane, and sometimes...
  
• Crosses solid shoulder markers to "beat" other mergers to the left lane
• Exits the highway from the left lane
  

All together now:  "What an asshole!"

The majority of road ragers aren't particularly fast - they often travel at just a few miles-per-hour over the prevailing flow, just fast enough to warrant (to themselves) their occupation of the proverbial "fast" lane, but slow enough to avoid a serious speeding ticket.  [For the record, educated drivers recognize no "fast" lane, only "passing" lanes.  They embrace the mantra, "pass left - cruise right" at any speed.]  In modest congestion, the road rager is sometimes content to "go with the flow" of the left lane, even when inner lanes are unoccupied.  That is, until somebody passes them.  At this moment of conjunction, the road rager snaps.  All manner of maneuvers - legal or otherwise (and typically, otherwise) are made in a violent effort to prevent the upstart from upsetting the dominant bull's (or cow's) position in the highway herd.  If you're anything like me, you drive fast but courteously, and you've had your fill of these self-righteous perverts.  I have a solution.

The "Highway Zapper" is a small microwave radio transmitter developed by Electronic Rainbow - a tool for "speed kills" zealots to slow down or, more accurately, "scare the crap out of" faster drivers by activating their radar detectors.  "Woo hoo!  I almost made that speeder wreck!"  As it turns out, a byproduct of the federal 55 MPH speed limit was a rift created between drivers who obeyed the law (however unpopular it had become) and those who did not.  These passive-aggressive pinheads gobbled up Zappers from the back pages of Popular Mechanics magazine; right up until the FCC layed down the proverbial kibosh on sales of the dubious transmitters.  You can imagine the outcry:  "But we're doing God's work!"

No doubt, you're wondering why such a device would be valuable to a speed-loving driver, especially if said driver is generally courteous and non-confrontational.  Well, imagine that you're cruising an open stretch of Interstate at 20 MPH over the posted limit.  All is calm.  All is right.  You approach a buoy who refuses to vacate the left lane.  After a moment, you signal your intentions and cautiously overtake him on the inside lane.  He speeds up, accelerating only enough to prevent you from passing, perhaps relying on right-lane traffic to "scrape you off" his flank.  Or maybe you pass smoothly, but now he's tailgating you.  Either way, you back off, accepting his offer to "take point" (a designation of respect among fast drivers traveling, cooperating together).  He slows down for fear of a speeding ticket.  Tempers flare.  What now?  Do you go "balls out" and risk an incident?  Or do you spend the next twenty miles stuck behind this dangerous 'tard?

Enter the Zapper.  Like it or not, the majority of road ragers do own radar detectors.  Again, they don't necessarily need radar detectors for their modest adventures over the posted limit, but their type-A personalities gravitate to any such device (or trophy) of empowerment.  This is good.  We're going to shove some type-B humility into a type-A hole.  [Extra points for the double double entendre, anyone?  Anyone?  "Bueller?"]  Returning to our hypothetical story, you follow casually and size up the road ahead.  When things are clear, you pass the unsuspecting rube and engage your Zapper.  Radar detectors in both vehicles go berserk, indicating a nearby, instant-on speed trap.  You ignore the alert and quickly put a quarter mile of highway between the two of you.  He gives up without chase, still looking for the patrol car and thanking the heavens for so narrowly escaping a well-deserved "road raging" ticket - an automatic and very serious "reckless driving" charge in many states.  Problem solved.  Justice served.  You resume your cruising speed.  He resumes his.  You've just deflated a dangerous situation and in an entirely passive manner.  How great is that?!

On the downside, not every road rager operates a radar detector.  Always, but always, maintain your decorum.  This way, when your Highway Zapper fizzles - and it will - you've done nothing to worsen the situation.

So, where can you find a Zapper?  Though the federal 55 MPH limit (or "double-nickel" if you're super-hip in 1976) was abolished in 1995, I'm sorry to say that Zappers are still in high demand.  Occasionally, they appear on eBay and go quickly, for between $40 and $80.  Watch carefully for "Highway Zapper," "Zapper II," "Radar Detector Tester" and "Radar Detector Activator."  When this comes up nuts, save your search and enable e-mail notification - you're likely to have a long wait.  Alternately, if you're handy with a soldering iron, you might find do-it-yourself kits and schematics online.  To avoid FCC suspicion, these have been marketed as "Radio Frequency Test Tone Generators," "Morse Code Testers," or "Morse Code Keyers" but with a selectable frequency range that strays ever-so-slightly outside of the allowed HAM radio frequencies and into speed radar territory.  Other kits and plans require rare parts and can be difficult to tune to the proper frequency, once built.  To clarify, your transmitter must operate in one of these frequency ranges:  X band (10.475 - 10.575 GHz), K band (24.0 - 24.25 GHz) or Ka band (33.4 - 36.0 GHz).  K or Ka bands are preferred, being that these are most popular among police agencies.  By contrast, X band is older and often dismissed by drivers (and correctly so) for generating too many false alerts.  Unfortunately, all of the schematics I've come across incorporate an X band antenna.  I bought my Zapper, er, "radar detector tester" on eBay, after waiting several months for one to show up.  Surprisingly, it transmits in the Ka band - without a doubt, the best frequency for faking a legitimate police speed radar alert in most states.

Is it legal to operate a Zapper on the highway?  Some will argue that the transmitting power of these devices falls well within the FCC's allowances.  Others will argue that it's legal to operate a "Morse Code generator" in the designated HAM radio bands - you do have an amateur radio license, don't you? - and that a device designed for such activity isn't illegal to own, even if it's frequency selector has "strayed" a little.  But then, good luck explaining that one to Highway Patrol.  "No, sir.  It's not a Zapper - whatever that is - it's my Morse Code transmitter"  ...and then you might as well hand him a kilo of cocaine, 'cause "you and your drug-running buddies" are gettin' a full body cavity search.  Rather than risk it, I'd play it safe and keep this countermeasure well out of sight.

"Shields up, Mr. Sulu."  Be good!