Studies in the fields of psychology and artificial intelligence have reported that certain physical characteristics relate to higher intelligence levels in humans.  Chief among these are rapid speech patterns, fast eye movement, frequent blinking, and humor.  We'll dismiss humor outright, being that Janeane Garofalo is a successful comedian, but clearly an idiot.  Then again, she's not particularly funny, so the scientists may still have it right.  Nonetheless, humor doesn't support our forthcoming premise, so we'll follow the modern news media's example and overlook certain facts, because they don't "work" for us.

This leaves us with fast speech, fast eyes and fast lids - all indicators of higher-than-average intelligence.  Clearly, there's a pattern here.  Certain physical events, performed quickly, indicate a quick mind.  Never mind masturbation.  How about driving?  Professional drivers, operating at speeds of 140 MPH and higher - often much higher - collect and process two to three times the volume of information of regular drivers in a given moment.  Throw into this mix a few dozen other Mensa maniacs, all competing for the same patch of asphalt, and you've multiplied the problem of staying alive (not to forget, winning the race) by a few hundred times.  That's a lot of megaflops.

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